(spoken) Don't look at me Please don't look at me You're still looking at me, stop looking at me Please Don't look at me I really mean don't look at me Stop calling me too I don't want any piece of you Every day is so wonderful And suddenly, it's hard to breathe Now and then, I get insecure From all the fame, I'm so ashamed I am beautiful no matter what they say Words can't bring me down I am beautiful in every single way Yes, words can't bring me down So don't you bring me down today To all your friends, you're delirious So consumed in all your doom Trying hard to fill the emptiness The piece is gone and the puzzle undone That's the way it is You are beautiful no matter what they say Words won't bring you down You are beautiful in every single way Yes, words can't bring you down Don't you bring me down today No matter what we do (no matter what we do) No matter what they say (no matter what they say) When the sun is shining through Then the clouds won't stay And everywhere we go (everywhere we go) The sun won't always shine (sun won't always shine) But tomorrow will find a way All the other times We are beautiful no matter what they say Yes, words won't bring us down We are beautiful in every single way Yes, words can't bring us down Don't you bring me down today Don't you bring me down today Don't you bring me down today

CHORUS: He's so white Mmm look whose walking up in here Ooo he's so white he's looking like a chicken, coming up in this club thinking he could dance What the hell is he doing? - I know right? Walking in and they're all like what white boy in a hip hop club So white he shines like the sun White boy better up and run CHICKS: He better be up and outta here, I don't know who he thinks he is I know, He's gonna get shot What the hell is he wearing... is that spandex? Oh my goodness... not even my momma BJ: Oh... oh yea! Oh man, look at this club man I like this Look at that shorty over there... CHICKS: You know he could be sorta cute in that white way BJ: I'm gonna shake my butt with her... Hey, Calvin come with me CHICKS: Oh he did not just go on up and ask for a Cavasier...-Oh yes he did He cannot drink that! BJ: Wassup baby mama? Hello mamacita You like this white boy? CHICKS: He's so white he makes the walls look dark, that's horrible BJ: I know I'm white... you like white boy? CHICKS: I don't know who he thinks he is comin up in here Who dropped him off? It must have been a joke Maybe he's like, y'know, speacial I feel bad for him, maybe we should go up and talk to him He must be lost... -Girl don't touch him! Ooh shit... look at him He thinkin like he can dance, oh no Is that the lawnmower? Girl, he look like he's convulsing up in there Oh no no no, that's the sprinkler dance What you mean he's like one of them special people I told you, retarted What do you mean, like retarted or something? I just said it, retarted BJ: Oh god, I think, I think I should start shakin' Booty bounce, booty bounce Calvin, look at my booty bounce Actually, Calvin, move out of the way so that girl can definitely look at my booty bounce Man, I feel good tonight Look at this hip hop club Hey, look at this white boy dance I'm dancing Look at my hips move... ah, oo, ah, AH! I'm shakin' it, shakin' I feel home now I like the way that chick is singin man. Yo, we gotta get this CD man Calvin, find out whose singin yo I know I'm white, I know I'm white White boy can dance White boy get down Booty tooty too

Hi, I'm Joshua Rossi and I approve the following song Once upon a time there was this guy named Josh He was really cool, he had his own car wash Nah, I'm just jokin' but that sure sounds nice The truth is about Josh is that he came at a price He had a weakness in his heart for redheads He loved them so much he even thought of dying his own hair red Josh is the kinda guy he'd come over and fix your bed And he wouldn't even ask you to, he'd just lie in it Five minute man, five minute man He's Josh guy he'd do whatever he can He's the man, he's the man Josh guy, I'm his biggest fan Josh! He grew up fast , he's married by twenty But all of a sudden he came into lots of money He picked his girl up and moved back to Texas But don't you all worry now, he'll fix all your possesions Five minute man, five minute man He's Josh guy he'd do whatever he can He's the man, he's the man Josh guy, I'm his biggest fan I think I broke my car He'll be there to fix that too I think I broke my heart He's coming over again real soon Help Josh! Five minute man, five minute man He's Josh guy he'd do whatever he can He's the man, he's the man Josh guy, I'm his biggest fan

Part two of the song called no one calls me on my cell phone Originally a true story, and today Still a true story Not much has changed on the subject Other than the fact that I think I have found out the formula to people calling me on my cell phone And that is You make a song about how no one calls you on your cell phone And then you get all kinds of people calling you on your cell phone Because they're like Hey, this guy wrote a song called No One Calls Me On My Cell Phone so let's call him on his cell phone cuz a few years ago when I did that song I was getting calls from like everybody Everybody, I mean people where going through the phone book to look for my number Even though it wasn't there They were still looking for it And in some cases, they even kinda found a few numbers close to it But they gotta stay out of the porno section But today I have a cell phone, it's a beautiful cell phone It's an internet ready phone, I can go on the internet I can take pictures I can send you pictures, I can send her pictures I can send him pictures, I can send me pictures And in some cases, yes, I do even send myself my own pictures Why? because I just like to play with my cell phone like that And sometimes when no one else is calling me on my cell phone I'll get on the cell phone, I'll send out a couple of pictures go on the internet Every morning at four o'clock in the morning Going into the Banana Republic I like to go on the internet and play with my cell phone and go on the internet It's kinda like a new obsession I go to different websites, I go to AIM and do this and do that But let's get back on subject matter here It's how no one calls me on my cell phone, again So I do this song I have 500 minutes on this cell phone I have unlimited nights and weekends There is plenty of time for you to call me Hey listen out there If you can hear me, call me! I'm bored! Call me! Give me a call on my cell phone You know what? I can download ring tones I'm downloading all these ring tones And you people are still not calling me I have about 7 ring tones downloaded right now And I can't use them because no one is calling me with them I get a call once a day, once a day That's not good man, what am I not cool enough for you people? Am I a dork? Do you still not like my phone voice? What's the deal? Do I have to get like, ome sorta plastic surgery on my voice. You see? I'm getting a call right now, you hear that cool ring? Hello? Oh, I can't hear you I have headphones on right now, I have to call you later. Ok Yeah Ok Uh huh What, No no no! I'm not doing that, I'm not doing that Stop wasting my phone minutes Wait a minute, it's Sunday It's unlimited cell phone minutes! Call me, somebody else call me! I'm bored, I'm losing my mind I've been recording all day Not one person has called me What the hell Nobody calls me on my cell phone, it's not right I'm starting a petition And I'm gonna have it signed by everybody to have everybody call me on my cell phone Because my cell phone needs to be rung Cuz I mean when it rings I can see your picture I can see you calling me on my cell phone Please, call me, call me, call me on my cell phone If you don't call me I'm gonna call myself

From start to finish there is no break for me I get there at 6am and I leave at 3 I'm going nuts, going insane These people are going to force me to shoot my brain I don't know what to do Organize the closet, help the customer Ring up the money, fix this, find that, go outside Get a cab, why? who? you? That's who! Cuz you're the man, cuz you're full time We expect this, we expect that You better get with it, or you better get off the crack You know, I'm starting to lose it here I'm starting to wanna you know, ?? Cuz I'm thinking to myself, is it really all worth it I wake up at 4 o'clock in the mornihg And ?? I feel like I'm living in a movie Some really bad movie All of a sudden the bass pops in my head and says I'm in a movie I'm in a movie It's called the retail movie Your two 15's and one hour break Where I gotta go to get a milkshake? Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, cranberry I don't care what it is, just give it to me! It's a 36 35, what? 35 34? You want a 35 34? You gotta lose some weight punk! You ain't gonna... you ain't gonna fit in i I've got the retail blues I've got something that has to do with retail blues I've got all of these pressures They're crying on me, I'm gonna lose my lunch They say go and get me that 1 - 2 - 3 size ?? Give me the shoe, give me the ring Give me the hair, fly n sing Take your break, no come back We need you to fix the matress No, it's enough I've got the retail blues

Next ladies & gentlemen is Paul Hi, my name is Paul and this is called the truth That damn president Bush is all sending us all over there for the money Money and oil, it's a big conspirary Excuse me, sir... can you please sit down, sir? Ahhh Paul, get out of here, it's not your fight Hello everybody my name is BJ, and this is the real truth You wanna talk about politics Paul? you wanna go there in this stupid room we're in? Let me tell you something Paul You wanna talk about how we're over there for the oil and Well looks like your just as blonde as everyone else in this country You're more blonder than Britney Spears is Cuz you must have forgotten about 2 and a half years ago 9-11 Paul You must have forgot how two years ago we lost big very, big skyscrapers in the sky Paul, they were taller than that tall bimbo over there Yeah Paul, shut up! I'm not asking you to speak Just like everyone else in this country We're going over there for the money and the oil On the news I see, President Bush is finding out he's an idiot and we're going over there for the money and oil Yeah, it's amazing how... What is the song ending? I'm not done guys, come on, keep going, keep going Like I said everyone forgot about 9-11 cuz basically we were bombed, we were attacked And now everyone is like short term memory Why are we over there? Money and oil, wrong you idiots! If we don't fight for our country we're not going to have a country da da da da Just like that stupid car commercial da da da da Just like this whole country is da da da da Everyone is legally blonde in this country It's not just a movie, it's a phenomena baby! Come on people, get with the program Think, remember what we did Remember all the people that don't like us You know why they don't like us? Cuz they don't have what we have No. 1: Me And no. 2: look at it, we're actually free Everyone else is under slavery and por... poverty Well, however the hell you pronounce the word, I really don't give a damn I mean you cannot work, make $7.25 one day and then go up to $9 the next day in other countries But here you can Cuz when you work hard here, you get paid for being here Unlike other countries where they don't pay you anything Alright, that's the real truth And if you have a problem with that, you can talk to me about it And one last thing... BJ for president

I can give you money, I can buy a car I will call my agent and he'll make you a star I can give you jewelery I can buy you a ring Just let me in your pants, I'll give you anything I wanna kiss and hold you so many times I've told you I can make you cum like it's never been done tonight you're body is lookin oh so right What can I do to sleep with you, What can I do to sleep with you What I gotta do to sleep with you, What can I do mama, to sleep with you I love Jacobs Ladder I can't wait to see them play tonight, they're gonna rock the skatepark My favorite song is Oh Brother! Can you hear me now? Oh Brother! Jacobs ladder you rule Pickin up all the chicks You got those cool haircuts Oren! Sammy! Brian! You rock brothers I'm your biggest fan! I love Jacobs Ladder! I am a Ladderhead! Shout it out loud! Ladder rules! Ladder rules! Yea! Oh man, that sounds like a Ladder riff there... keep playin! What is this? What is this? You're gonna change the pace? Can't keep up with the Ladder so you're gonna play some off beat rock'n'roll son? OK I hear what you're doing

This is a story about me I wake up in the morning and I go down the street Cuz I'm so happy when I'm with me I'm so happy with me I go into work and say hi to everyone They smile and wave at me Cuz I'm they're only one And I'm so happy when I'm with me I'm so happy when I'm with me Hey how you doin' BJ Oh, I'm just happy being with me What do you mean you're being happy with me, you sicko! I'm not a sicko! I'm just happy being with me You know BJ, I heard things about you And you know what I'm gonna say? Enough! Enough of you being happy Happy with yourself You sick freak you! You're not happy with you You're a nut! You don't deserve to be happy anymore You're making me mad sir! You deserve to be mad I'm not happy when I'm with me I'm not happy at all with me Are you happy now?

We could go on a vacation And never come back again Would it be nice for you and me To see all of the trees Yeah! Yeah! But you don't see things my way You think that I am not that OK Just because I'm so skinny 1-3-5 soaking wet But it's no matter to me My high self-esteem is always come from within And you go and cry a river I'll swim in it and I'll probably drown, probably drown, drown Yeah! Yeah!